by Douglas Economy
We are not free from powerful family influences and, for the most part, we are not aware of them. Most of us also don’t know that many of our physical illnesses and emotional challenges are a result of what we call unconscious family “entanglements”.
We live in many systems, of which the family is the most influential. All members of a system are energetically bonded to one another. Many of these bonds are nurturing, even to the point of life-sustaining as in the case of parent and infant.
Yet scores of these energetic bonds are harmful, often with devastating effects. Frequently these bonds exist between family members who never knew each other and often they don’t even know of each other. This may be because they are several generations apart, or because a family member is involved whose life was kept secret. An example of this could be a child that was aborted, died early after birth, or was given up for adoption. It could also be a relative who was ostracized or locked away in a mental institution.
There is a dynamic at force in all systems that constantly seeks to create balance – nature (which is a system) is a perfect example of this. A family system attempts to create a balance that is designed to ‘save’ the clan, usually at the expense of one or more individual members. This typically takes the shape of a family member unconsciously ‘sacrificing’ her- or himself. Of course this never really works and balance or well-being is not created for the clan in this way. Yet these forces are always at work, regardless.
Here are some common examples:
- The Unconscious Adoption of Another’s Fate
Family members often suffer from depression or feel distressed in a variety of ways without realizing that this is because another member’s fate had been kept secret (e.g. insanity) or another member had not received their rightful place in the family, (e.g. early death of a sibling including abortions and stillborns).
- Following Another
Someone suffers from a fatal illness, is depressed or even suicidal because of an unconscious wish to follow a loved one who had died prematurely.
- Atoning for Another
A person unconsciously pursues a burdensome career or other activity or feels stuck and disempowered in order to atone for the fate or misery of a loved one, particularly a parent.
- Partnering a Parent
Children enter into an unhealthy partner role with a parent to compensate for something that is lacking in the parents’ relationship.
- Taking on a Parent’s Burden(s)
Children often try to relieve their parents of their burdens by taking these burdens on. Although this usually comes from a place of love, the primary motivation is to obtain their parents’ love.
These are just a few examples of many more possible burdens caused by family bonds.
And here are some common examples of the effects that family entanglements can have on a person:
- · Relationship Difficulties including the Family at Large
- Most Physical Illnesses
- Career Problems
- Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Resentment, Anger, Discontent
- Feeling Stuck, Having Low Self Esteem, a Lack of Self Confidence
Family Constellation Therapy (FCT) is a powerful process that helps people live freer, happier and more fulfilling lives by releasing these entanglements. This process uses the ‘Knowing’ or ‘Morphic’ field which is an energetic grid that connects all beings and has been studied and verified by Quantum Physics.
This is how it works:
A person (we’ll call her/him the ‘constellator’) addresses an issue in a group setting that has an empty space in its middle. Based on a brief interview with the constellator, the facilitator asks him/her to choose people from the group to represent certain members of the family. The constellator then positions these people in the middle according to his/her inner picture or intuition as to how they stand in relation to each other. As soon as they are ‘set up’, these representatives experience what the actual relatives feel or experience in respect to the family dynamic (without this effecting the representatives personally in any negative way). This happens at the effect of the ‘Knowing field’. Destructive ‘entanglements’ are revealed.
With the help of the facilitator, a new and healthy constellation is then formed. In this process certain interactions are carried out which in turn releases the entanglements and allows the healing to take place.
Although a formidable shift regularly happens during such a process, the healing is a process that is now set in motion and will play itself out over the next few weeks or months. In most cases the constellator will not feel the need to revisit the same issue with another constellation, sometimes a follow-up process is indicated, especially when another aspect of the same issue requires attention.
Because we are all interconnected, participating only as a representative and/or ‘just’ a group member always proves to be highly therapeutic as well.
